That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
