I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize