There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
