haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
