I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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