I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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