This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is wine microwaveable?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
