Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
