There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Shame - the story of my life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
