Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my shit smells like andre
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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