the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize