There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
