I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A bitchslap is in order.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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