you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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