i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
