so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
