eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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