i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
