Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
