I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
