i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
