I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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