I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
