dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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