IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My liver just had a heart attack.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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