Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
