He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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