I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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