I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
