If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
