I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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