im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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