honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
