I want to walk on stilts...naked
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
