im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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