I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
