I want to have your abortion
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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