I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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