Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
