it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
