omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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