Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize