remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize