wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
