Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
