if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's Friday. Sex?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize