if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
