not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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