return my video game
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
