I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
