the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize