i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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