sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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