There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
