Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
