the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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