shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
