Little spoons don't ask big questions
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize