definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
