the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
