Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
