well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
