I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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