Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
