I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
