I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
