Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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