Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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