I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
