Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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