sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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