the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
