who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
