Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
