Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
