scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
