so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
